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The Preacher and the
Hooker
Introduction
As I started out to write this book about Hosea and Gomer it started from studying the fifth step in
a twelve step Life Recovery Bible. I also started to see where my story parallels Hosea’s and Gomer’s
story, but with myself as the vile out of control husband.
When I began my search into myself I began to write my feeling. I wrote what God was showing me through
His Word almost daily. I wrote over four hundred hand-written pages.
As I wrote, I wrote hot (a literary writer’s term) I was told, write hot,
edit cold. Some of these hot notes are still as they were written originally. I
wrote about hurts, heartaches, broken hearts, shame and sorrow. I wrote about what I thought had been done
to me, I wrote about what I have done to God and to those I love. Whenever I wrote as I was praying or
just after praying I have left the notes as I prayed them.
In my original writings I wrote over eighty pages about what I thought my first wife had done to hurt
me and drive me. Originally I used the word bitch. As I worked to finish the book and
as God revealed more and more to me as to just where the problem lay, I had to take out descriptive words, which referred
to my former wife. The truth is, she was a very loving, caring, faithful, great cook, clothier of my six
children who loved me. She is not a bitch I had to remove it.
Eighty pages were condensed to maybe three of or four with me referring to Julie as childish in a few things that she
did.
I have left enough in the
book for you to get an overview to what my feelings were, hoping it may trigger things in your own mind to help you understand
yourself or your mate.
When I
wrote about My Lady who is still as of this writing my wife, I began writing about myself and my feeling of love and how I
saw nothing wrong in her whatsoever. As I continued to write and my blinders were removed I started to
see things she had done that I felt were wrong. As I look back now I did not write them in anger, I was
just searching. I did write one rather gutsy page telling off my wife and in-laws, but followed with ,
how could they have done otherwise?
I
have left the section intact because it is the path I went through to find who I was, who I am becoming, and who I am.
If someone bumps into you quite by accident and dislodges a kidney stone they are not at fault for your pain or your
reaction to that pain. What is inside of you was only triggered by them. Let’s
work together to get rid of the cause of the pain and find the triggers.
Many of us have pain and triggers that set us off. Some of us
have triggers that set us off into all types of controlling habits that are very destructive. As you read,
if you can replace the words for my faults for what you may be fighting to be delivered from you will be able to put yourself
into the story and make it personal to you, I turned to hurting people, you may go to the bottle or drugs or pornography or
child abuse or eating disorders. What ever you may be using or whatever fault you need to confess they
are all a cry for love and acceptance, or running from the pain of rejection. This book may help you understand
your mate, but as you read please do not just look to find the faults of your mate. For healing to happen
everyone needs to understand that we also need to look at our selves.
I truly believed that all I needed in my life was a woman who was pleased with me. I
had heard the lyrics by the group Bad English, when I see you smile, I can do anything , my life was based
on My Lady’s smile. In My Lady, I thought I had found, what I was lookin'
for. I had no idea when the smiles stopped that they were triggers, or what triggers were.
I thought I had handled my problem by asking God for forgiveness and I just went
on with my life. In my prayer I had only handled one of five areas
that needed to be taken care of, you will find in this book how I found the five areas that only God could handle
and how God showed me in His word the answers to be totally cured.
(1) Asking God for forgiveness (admitting
we are guilty).
(2)
Confessing your faults one to another (accountability).
(3) Asking to be crushed (we must die to self).
(4)
Confess the sins of our ancestors (searching into our past to find what brought us to where we are).
(5) Asking
forgiveness of those we have hurt (sorrow and accountability for what we have done to those we have hurt).
As I was rewriting my original notes to insert into this study
on Hosea I made a list of words that had to be taken out or replaced (I wrote hot ).
I got out my "Strong’s Hebrew and Greek Concordance"
and looked up the word dung to replace my word with the scripture as quoted by the prophets.
I was amazed at how often my own feelings were expressed. The one word had at least five different
words it was translated from, with one word described from the Hebrew word with its most vulgar meaning about a dung house.
It’s in the book. One of the most vulgar quotes is what God Himself
said what he was going to do with the stuff to some people with bad attitudes. It’s
(also) in the book.
The Hebrew
people were a very gutsy and earthy people. I am also a very gutsy and earthy man. I
believe my book will be ministering to very gutsy and earthy people. So let me share a testimony of what
God showed me today as I was writing my last chapter and the introduction to this book.
As you read, I will not apologize for the word of God or the words in His word including
the word dung, nor will I apologize for the most vulgar word in the original Hebrew test. The word dung
cannot explain the original. I wrote how I felt about myself the same way the prophet wrote when describing
the Baal Temple that had been made into a dung house. The word had been translated from its most vulgar
form.
May God bless you, as I
was blessed by Him, as He revealed this truth of who I am.
As I wrote about this next verse in Ephesians I began to weep when I realized who I am to God and what
I am worth to Him.
My exact words
I cried out as tears flowed, God took this worthless piece of >*# !
that I am, and now I am making God Almighty rich because of my worth. My worth
is so great that it took blood to buy me back. Just as Hosea bought Gomer because she had worth, even in
the horrible sexual sins she was involved in. As if my own son were lost in war against an enemy to buy
freedom for our nation you and me. My own blood would be shed for that freedom in that he is my son (bloodline).
The blood of God bought me: I am priceless. Although I still may be a piece of >*#
! in the eyes of my in-laws and my wife, I am priceless, worth more than silver or gold, worth more than
rubies or diamonds to God.
Ephesians
1:18 I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can see something of the future He
has called you to share. I WANT YOU TO REALIZE THAT GOD HAS BEEN MADE RICH BECAUSE WE WHO ARE CHRIST’S
HAVE BEEN GIVEN TO HIM ! Ephesians 1:18 The Living Bible
It matters not who you are
or what you have done, there is hope for you, your relationships, your marriage, you and your mate. May
my stinky words (as my father would say, it’s not a curse word it’s a stinky word ) get your
attention that you may see what we are and what we can be. Right or wrong we say what we think.
I pray that God will minister healing to you with this tool.
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