Chapter XII

Chapter XII

How Could God Love Me?

    We will always reap the kind of seeds we sow! If we sow to please our own wrongful desires we will be planting seeds of evil and will surely reap a harvest of spiritual decay and death; but if we plant good things of the Sprit, we will reap everlasting life that the Holy Spirit gives us. Galatians 6:7-8.

    We always reap what we have sown. Even if we have been forgiven we will have to deal with the consequences of our actions. It may take a while for us to finish harvesting the negative consequences, but don’t be discouraged, God will be with us and help us. Beginning to make a list of those we have harmed and trying to reach out with help to these people is planting good seed. In time we will see a good crop begin to grow.

    When we start to see and become aware of the deep shame, trouble, hurts and pain we have inflicted on our family, friends and anyone else we have hurt including ourselves, is when we can begin the healing in our lives. Through prayer God will show us. As we have been acting out our addictions we have been the cause of many broken hearts. We may be sorely afraid of admitting the exact nature of our wrongs in fear and because we do not understand how God could love someone who is so wretched. But if we learn to understand God forgives us just as he did Hosea’s wife, Gomer, and realize just how bad she was, then we will begin to accept God’s forgiveness for ourselves.

    God used Hosea’s life to teach us of his unconditional love for us. God told Hosea to marry a woman whom both God and Hosea knew had a problem. Hosea married her, loved her, had children with her, and devoted himself to her. Gomer relapsed into her into her old ways, and broke Hosea’s heart and brought shame on their family. Hosea was well off financially for it was his money and gifts that Gomer used for elaborate parties and gifts to Baal. Not only was Hosea a well-off businessman but he was the prophet (preacher) known to everyone.

    After Gomer was left to her own ways, when Hosea stopped enabling her, by supporting her habit, Gomer had to sell herself into slavery to support her addiction. As I look back now I am so thankful that my wife did not listen to me but put a stop to enabling me. If I was still at home God could never have been able to do the work in me that needed to be done. I never would have seen the problem, and probably would have continued in my addiction until it ended in my own death.

    But in all this chaos God had a plan. God completely blew Hosea’s mind. God could see into the future and God saw all the way to where you and I are today. God had a message for you and I that Hosea is going to give us. A message of God’s love and forgiveness and a message of how reconciliation of a husband and wife can send a message to the world of God’s will and of his forgiveness and mercy. God told Hosea, Go and get your wife again and bring her back to you and love her, even though she loves adultery. For the Lord still loves Israel (you and I) though she has turned to other gods.   (controlling addictions, habits for fulfillment) Hosea 3:1.

    You and I will probably ask the same question, how could God (or anyone) still love me? But God asks, Oh, how can I give you up...? How can I let you go? How can I forsake you...? My heart cries out within me: how I long to help you!...(God wants to show us how we have allowed mind controls to destroy us) For I am God and not man; I am the Holy One living among you and I did not come to destroy.   (Hosea 11:8-9) There is absolutely nothing we can do or fess up to that would cause God to stop loving us! This is called unconditional love, not, I'll love you, if, and, because of, in spite of the fact that...even though!   For I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can’t and life can’t. The angels won’t, and all the powers of hell itself cannot keep God’s love away. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, or where we are- high above in the sky, or in the deepest ocean- nothing will ever be able to separate us from the love of God demonstrated by our Lord Jesus Christ when he died for us. Romans 8:38-39.

Specialized Love

    God specializes in loving those of us who are the most vile, crude, unlovely and undeserving. The fact is, that none of us are deserving of God’s love, and those of us who think we are deserving or think we can earn it are in denial. God’s love and forgiveness is only bestowed on all who admit their need and respond to his love for them. It is sometimes the most vile, undeserving who ever admit their need for God. That is the reason why God so often reaches out to those of us that are so undeserving and unlovely. No one is entirely blameless or sinless of breaking hearts (God’s family and friends) yet no sin is too great for God to forgive. This is why desperate addicts and vile sinners who admit their failures are better off than respectable people who are in denial to any wrongs they might have done. These people are in denial about their need for God. Admitting to the wrongs we have done to God and to those we have hurt and that we have failed miserably is an essential part of our recovery process. As we shout out a new song of our story of deliverance we will not only be an encouragement to others to persevere, but we will grow in renewed strength for our own recovery. We can then be the vessel that God can use to bring deliverance to others. Hallelujah.

    As God brings us back to himself and as God brings us back to our loved ones, as reconciliation starts, God says in Hosea 2:19 NAS, And I will betroth you to Me forever: Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice, in lovingkindness and in compassion. (Lovingkindness: the Hebrew word is hesed. It means loyal, steadfast, or faithful love and stresses the idea of a belonging together of those involved in the love relationship.)

    Hosea showed mercy to his wife so that a nation and you and I could understand that God is merciful. When Hosea caught up with Gomer, he was not bent on revenge or punishment but on mercy. He was deeply concerned about her restoration and recovery. When Hosea allowed Gomer to be trapped into prostitution and God allowed his people to be conquered by Assyria, it was an expression of His mercy towards them. When I was asked to leave and I lost my freedom it was God’s plan of mercy, it was all a part of God’s plan for restoration and recovery. We can be confident that when we put our life in His hands, he will use even the pain in our life to bring healing. God is ready right now to show mercy to us who turn to him for help.

    Gomer was a failure as a wife and mother, as I was a failure as a husband, protector, father, stepfather, and a champion to My Lady. Gomer and I sold ourselves into the slavery of our controlling addiction. We were bound with no hope of freeing ourselves. It took the help of a champion, a savior, mercy, grace, and God. Hosea did not give up and quit, neither did God give up on Gomer, his people and you and I. If we have become complete slaves to our dependencies and feel totally powerless to change we can be sure God will not quit, he will not give up on us.   Ain't givin up now, no, no, no. There’s too many mountains I’ve already climbed. There’s too many times I’ve won victory. It’s too late now to start this talkin’ defeat. Ain’t givin’ up now. No, no, no, no, no. (A song by Reba Rambo, Ain’t Givin’ Up Now.)

    If our addiction has broken trust with our spouse, especially if we have violated our wedding vows, making amends will take time a and lot of prayer for healing. Both husband and wife will need good God-based counsel. Both will have to completely understand what forgiveness is. Both will have to understand how forgiveness works and how God wants it to work. In short it will have to be God-based or it will not work. We have probably made so many false promises in the past that our spouses will need time before fully trusting our love. There is nothing wrong with allowing a time for healing. Hosea said in 3:3, "And I said to her, 'you must live alone for many days: do not go out with other men nor be a prostitute, and I will wait for you.'"    As with Hosea our spouse will need some time before they can be close to us again. Sometimes the best way is to allow time to go by for healing. We will need to be praying for healing and during this time, we can demonstrate to our spouse that there is no reason to fear that our wrong behavior has continued. Love and trust must come together. If our spouse feels the need for a time to be apart do not be discouraged. Allow the time apart to be a time of healing for both husband and wife and to see that the commitment is real. If they need time, give that, and focus on your own recovery. I have been in recovery for 3 months as I finish this book. I am only on Step 6. I have handwritten well over 350 pages in my search and have seven steps to go. I am not ready for reconciliation, as much as I miss my wife I know I am not ready. I do wish there was a door of hope.   But even that will take a long time.

    When God brought his people out of slavery in Egypt by Moses, he led them into the wilderness to humble them and prove to them that he might do them good. (Deuteronomy 8:2, 3, 15, 16) Those of us who God has mercy in store for, he will first bring us into the wilderness- into solitude and retirement so he can get our attention and be able to freely talk with us out of the noise of this world, and sometimes into outward distress and trouble which will open the ear to discipline. God can then allow us and speak comfort to us and persuade us and speak to our hearts. He will by his word and spirit incline our hearts to return to Him, and encourage our hearts to do so.

    Jacob and Esau separated for years because Jacob had manipulated and connived to get Esau’s birthright. Jacob was in fear for his life, but as time passed healing grew and both of them had changed. When Jacob faced his brother, there was still affection even though they both remembered the pain.

    II Samuel 13:14, 15-18. Prince Absalom, King David’s son, had a beautiful sister named Tamar. And Prince Ammon (her half brother) fell desperately in love with her and raped her. Within minutes of the rape Ammon then hated Tamar. Ammon had discovered how sexual activity driven by selfish desire will turn to hate within minutes. These contradictory feelings will often be experienced by people chained to an addiction. First we embrace, then despise the addiction or substance that binds us. We use the controls to bring peace that binds whatever it is.

    David heard about what happened but did nothing probably because of his own sin with Bathsheba. The problem festered like a boil and finally exploded when Absalom murdered Ammon. David reconciled to Ammon’s death in his own mind, II Samuel 13:30, but David would not reconcile with his son Absalom. David refused. Absalom pleaded his case and wanted to see his father. It took years before David finally agreed to see his son Absalom. When they did meet no tears were shed, no brokenness was evident. The relationship was not restored. The bitterness in Absalom caused rebellion in the nation, to David and finally the death of his son.   Not until Absalom’s death did David break. When David heard his son Absalom had been killed he wept with tears but it was too late to save his son. II Samuel 18:33, "Then the King broke into tears, and went up to his room over the gate, crying as he went. 'O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom. If only I could have died for you! O Absalom, my son, my son.'"

    How many times do we see bitterness between children and their parents? Then we see the parents dying and find that the children had never forgiven them. Then the children wind up having to go to psychiatrist for years to figure out why they have problems that can all be resolved just by forgiving as God forgives.

    That is why God wants us to go and reconcile to anyone that we have hurt. Matthew 5:24, Leave your sacrifice there beside the altar and go and apologize and be reconciled to him, and then come and offer your sacrifice to God.   Sorry Dr. N.P. but I believe Rapha Resources and the nationwide hospitals, The 12 Step Programs and God knows better. I was told, If you had taken something from somebody how do you have the right to ask them to give you something more by asking for forgiveness?   Because God said so, that’s why. God knows it is healing to both.

    By not forgiving and continuing to carry the hate and hurts we will find that we will carry that hate into all areas of our lives. Including the bedroom. What we hate we many times become. That is why alcoholics many times have alcoholic children. Drug addicts many times have drug addicted children. I am not suggesting let’s just forget it and go on.   If your mate gives you that line it’s cause to put up red flags.   Just to forget it will not bring healing. I’m sorry, with remorse, tears, sharing hurts, sharing anger (a little at a time) agreeing that anger will have to be shared can open the doors for healing.

    But God knows what is best for us, that is why he teaches forgiveness. Forgiveness is freeing to our spirits, and it is freeing to those we forgive. David himself could have avoided great sorrow if he had only been willing to forgive, and restore his relationship with his son who desperately wanted to reconcile with his father. David would never have Absalom back, he would never make things right. Reconciliation is very important to a peaceful future.

    I personally believe that reconciliation is the correct thing to do. I also can understand the deep hurts and fully understand that my wife’s divorcing me can be justified according to scripture. In my case I gave the evidence. I can also understand how a spouse who is tied into pleasing parents, relative and friends may have to stand alone in order to reconcile. All these things I can only pray about. I also understand that the woman who was brought to Jesus to be stoned according to the law, Jesus showed mercy, He did not condemn her. He forgave her. Hosea had the right to have Gomer stoned, but God and Hosea showed mercy. Just as the people Hosea was preaching to deserved to die. God shows mercy every time we admit and come to him for forgiveness. That means asking for it, Doc N.P.

    God will give me grace to accept whatever happens and I will continue to pray for reconciliation. Amen. Repentance WILL BRING RESTORATION. Hallelujah.