Chapter XVII

Chapter XVII

Does God Allow Anger?

Step 6 Alcoholic's Anonymous sixth step states that: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

    In the book of Jonah there are many messages for you and I of how to express our anger and how God again can reconcile to his people. God reconciled to Jonah with the same calling after God got Jonah's attention after being in the belly of the great fish. Only in acknowledging our powerlessness and being able to express our anger, whether we like being in control or we are playing the part of victim, Jonah acknowledged his powerlessness, confronted his anger and in this story played both, the part of victim and controller.

    God called Jonah with a message, Jonah 1:2, Go to the great city of Nineveh, and give them this announcement from the Lord: >I am going to destroy you, for your wickedness rises before me; it smells to the highest heaven .

    Jonah did not want to go because he was very bitter against the blood thirsty nation of Nineveh and would much rather see them totally destroyed. Jonah’s actions in feeling only showed his own cultural heritage instead of God’s values. The people of Israel hated the people of Nineveh. The people of Nineveh were their enemy.

    When people have hurt us very deeply, it becomes very easy to hate them and wish for vengeance. The problem is, if we hold on to these feelings they can become a defect in our own character. When we harbor and carry bitterness it will slow down our own recovery, because it causes us to blame others for our problems. Some would rather stay the victim so they can receive attention by being rescued. Israel’s real problem was not Nineveh, but where they stood before God in their own attitudes. It very well may frighten us to think about forgiving those we feel have hurt us, for if we do that, it will remove us from playing the part of victim. We are not condoning the bad things people have said or done to us by releasing our hatred. Jonah hated the people of Nineveh for their cruelty towards Israel and did not want to warn them. Jonah wanted to be in control. If Jonah could run in the opposite direction God would have to destroy them in forty days according to schedule.

    I harbored resentment for years of the injustice my former father-in-law put on me. When Julie and I were married for just several years, I asked Daniel A.H. Brooden if he could help us by buying a lot so I could build a house on it and sell it. I told him he could hold the lot and the profit from the first house we could buy a second lot. Dad was in a position that he could have done this. I feel that there is something very wrong with giving a man a fish when he is hungry, if you give him a fish he will be hungry again tomorrow. If you give him a fish hook he will be able to feed his family and himself. My oldest son told me he wanted to go into the lawn care business. I told him I had no money to help him (which I didn’t) but if I did I would have told him the same thing I told him. I offered him my lawnmower, rakes and everything I had to help him. My joy would not come from rescuing him, but from watching him become a success. You can not become a success from being given a fish, you can become a success by receiving a fish hook.

    Rescuers receive their importance in life from rescuing. Dad Brooden did that for years. Then every time he would stop by to see us he would (with a sigh) say, I’m praying for you.   Making me both the poor victim so he could rescue me and the perpetrator of bringing poverty onto a family of eight that I supported as the only income provider in the house.

    The same thing happened over and over through the years. Dad had contacts throughout American of churches and organizations that he helped a very famous piano player set up dates so he could give concerts. I had asked him to help Julie and I do the same thing. I believe he helped us get one.

    Dad was very susceptible to listen to prophets who claimed they had a word form the Lord . Dad got involved in Cars to Mars, at least two multi-level sales group (one made milk from some kind of "nooked" waste by product) and the last one, (a supposed biodegradable oil company) lost him his house. All of the above claimed that their businesses were God-ordained and God-based. The last one, I met the man who claimed his oil would put the oil companies out of business. Dad put thousands of dollars into the company to keep it afloat.

    The company went after Pentecostal investors who seem to be susceptible to listening to voices from supposedly spirit-filled people.   I know this for I am one, although I now attend a Baptist church. I have also been told by my former Pentecostal pastor the company up and moved overnight. I had an idea that the man was a con artist. I called the phone company and the post office to see if there was forwarding information of the move. There was not. I went to the former office and met the landlord who rented a corner of his welding shop to them for an office. The con artist left without paying a bill that was months behind. We went through papers after the landlord sent notices of confiscating the contents. I found letterhead from Chrysler, GM, etc., which were very short and just said we are not interested in your product. The letterhead was then used to put together a business portfolio using just the top and signature with new copy put into the middle. I found that all copies had been done on just two typewriters. I then made arrangements to have lunch with Dad and the con artist. I was selling welding rods at the time and had my account book in hand with the pages marked of the largest trucking firms with a paper clip. I acted real excited and told the con artist about my new accounts and showed him the names of the companies with the names of the purchasing agents for the companies. The con was up. The names went right over his head because the con artist was not interested in selling oil he was only interested in coning investors. I went to the F.B.I. and gave them the information and the places I had found that the con artist played the same con. They took over the case and thanked me. They also said they were impressed of how I found out about only using two typewriters. Julie and I rescued Dad and Rose one night about 2:00 a.m. with a story to get them out of the house. Dad cried about losing Rose’s house to have Rose tell him, I love you Dan, losing a house is not going to make me leave you.   Rose, that is unconditional love. I commend you for that, you are a super lady. I am glad Dad found you and you found him.

    A year later Dad said when talking about how I had lost time from work to save his neck, You just used that as an excuse to stay away from work.   Thanks Dad. As long as Dad was the rescuer he had worth. I so wish Dad could have helped with a fish hook instead of a fish (which Dad brought many). Was I angry? Yes. Dad lost his house listening to so-called prophets. Dad allowed my house to be gutted by listening to a so-called prophet. Then Dad came to the rescue and allowed us to move into his old house.

    Dad has caused a second generation of rescuers in his own children. Julie even now is still asking my children, Are you misbehaving because you’re upset with your Dad? (over incidents that are over fifteen years old.) If they say no then they are in denial. My youngest son is twelve years old and when he calls me tells me in his own words that he thoroughly understands God’s forgiveness. When Julie asks him questions, if he does not answer, Yes Dad is the perpetrator and allow Mom to rescue, he is accused of listening to the devil. If anyone disagrees with Julie they are either in denial or are abusing her. I came to realize if you disagree with anything Julie says it is abuse. I had told my son, If I say something bad about your mother, you have the right to say to me, >Would I talk about your mother that way?   On one occasion my son did say that to me. I told him >I was sorry . My son told me himself, I’m not upset with you, I’m upset with Mom. She will not allow me to talk to her.   I told him, You have got to try to tell her your feelings. He said, I can’t, she’ll throw herself on the floor like she did when David tried to talk to her. I told him, The next time you go for counseling, talk to the counselor. He said again, I can’t, they won’t let me see them alone. Yes this makes me angry. Julie again wants to prove me as a perpetrator to get custody. Julie has gone to whoever would listen for years to find rescuers. Including my children and their boyfriends when they were young teenagers. As the children have grown, they now see for themselves of how they were made rescuers.

    When I left the Southwest I had a lot of anger. I told Julie, You’re going to die a lonely old woman, because you will eventually drive your children away.   I do not want to see this happen to Julie, but I am not the one that is driving them away.

    I wrote in the last chapter of how a controller put controls on My Lady when very young with tears to control. I do not want to see My Lady put these on her children.

    I am not like Jonah. I do not want to see judgment or see my children turn from their mother. I want to see healing. I want the dysfunctional cycle to stop. Daniel’s rescuing has passed to his daughter. All six of my children see the rescuing very clearly. The controls from Momma and Poppa to My Lady and to her children are not seen as clearly. I pray that they will be seen.

    Jonah wanted to play the part of victim. If he could continue being a victim he could watch the Ninevites be destroyed. By playing the power role and being in control he thought he could run and let God destroy them. To watch these perpetrators of evil be destroyed and have all of his own people in agreement with him would have made him the rescuer of his people. God had a different plan. God wanted to forgive the people of Nineveh if they would admit their sin and ask for forgiveness. Jonah wanted them destroyed which proves Jonah did not understand what forgiveness is. When God forgives, the rescuing is over. When we forgive, the rescuing is over.

    Although Jonah tried to run from God he did not get far, until God got his attention. Three days in the belly of a fish got Jonah’s attention. Jonah repented and immediately God put the same calling on Jonah again.   Johan 3:1, Then the Lord spoke to Jonah again: >Go to that great city, Nineveh, he said, >and warn them of their doom, as I told you before .   When we obey God’s word and tell others of the transforming message that God gave us it will bring deliverance not only to us, but recovery to others as well. God gave mercy to Nineveh when they repented. God forgave them. So if this is the message of the gospel why can we not forgive? If we forgive, just like Jonah we can not be the rescuer anymore. We will lose our importance, we would have to let go of our anger.

    In the final chapter of Jonah we will find the answer of the question, is it alright to have anger? I believe that it is. Julie as the perpetrator and victim, My Lady as both the perpetrator and victim, my in-laws as both the perpetrators and victims, you and I as the perpetrators and victims all have anger. All need forgiveness and need to forgive as God forgives. All need to admit we all have done things wrong, and all have a right to have anger, and God wants to bring healing to all. God wants to get everyone’s attention so that he can bring healing. All of us need to know of God’s forgiveness or our perpetrators of evil, and all of us need to forgive those that God has forgiven. This chapter addresses our unforgiveness of those who God has forgiven when they asked for it and how God allowed anger to be spoken.

    When Jonah chose to not listen to God’s call to give a message, Jonah was not the only one to suffer. By Jonah not wanting to see mercy and forgiveness extended and by running from the message, Jonah jeopardized the lives of others with his disobedience. Just like Jonah, when we are unwilling to allow a forgiveness message to be told, we jeopardize our offspring from one generation to the next. It can be very difficult to allow forgiveness once the bitterness sets in.

    Jonah 4:1-3, This change of plans made Jonah very angry. He complained to the Lord about it: This is exactly what I thought you’d do, Lord, when I was there in my country and you first told me to come here. That's whey I ran away to Tarshish. For I knew you were a gracious God, merciful, slow to get angry, and full of kindness: I knew how easily you could cancel your plans for destroying these people. Please kill me, Lord; I’d rather be dead than alive [when nothing that I told them happens].

    Just imagine Jonah sitting up on a hill with his lip stuck out like a little sulking kid. Jonah and Israel had prayed that God would deliver them from the people of Nineveh. They wanted to be delivered from the wicked people forever. The problem here is that God answered their prayers, but not the way that they asked them to be answered. Jonah and Israel wanted them destroyed so they wouldn’t bother them anymore. God answered their prayers by forgiving them and making them at peace with Israel. So here’s the question, are you going to accept the answer to your prayer or hold on to your anger and get mad at God for not answering your prayers the way that you wanted God to answer them?

    Jonah went to God with his anger. Although his prayer was awkward he still went to God. God allowed Jonah’s prayer of anger and did not reprove him for it. Jonah’s prayer was honest and from his heart. God was very gentle in how he talked with Jonah. God just asked Jonah a question to give him something to think about. Jonah 4:4, Then the Lord said, "Is it right to be angry about this ?"

    This question Jonah did not answer. Jonah just went out and built a small leafy shelter to shade him as he sat and sulked while hoping, watching and waiting to see if God would destroy Nineveh. As the leaves withered God had a vine grow with large leaves to shelter Jonah from the sun. For this Jonah was grateful. Now judgment comes to Jonah. It’s time to get Jonah’s attentions. GOD IN HIS FIERCE ANGER AT JONAH sent a little cut worm to eat through the stem for the plant. The plant withered away and died. THEN GOD IN HIS ANGER sent a hot wind to blow on Jonah. For this Jonah stated, Death is better than this!   Those who love to complain and are looking for things to complain about will find them. When our only comfort is protection by rescuers, addictions and shelters, when they are cut down by a small worm and destroyed we will be wide open again to our grief that we hold on to. A small toy will serve sometimes to pacify a cross child just as the large leaves covered Jonah for a day. When the rescuer, addictions and shelters from the heat are removed, the deeper hurts are felt and are exposed.

    God again listened to Jonah’s anger. If you are going to try to tell God you’re not angry when you are, why lie? God wants honesty from the innermost parts as King David states. If God knows before you speak that you’re angry then tell him you’re angry, he knows anyway, then you will be totally honest. Jonah was honest in his anger. God was gentle in his reproof. God sent a cut worm. Then God again reasons with Jonah. Jonah 4:9-11, Then the Lord said, >You feel sorry for yourself when your shelter is destroyed, though you did no work to put it there, and it is, at best, short-lived. And why shouldn’t I feel sorry for a great city like Nineveh with it’s 120,000 people in utter spiritual darkness and all it’s cattle?

    God allowed the sheltering (the thing we hold on to for relief) to be removed. The thing that I held on to was a relief against rejection. My addictions covered my hurts, which I never experienced. I could not show anger when I was wronged. I could not express anger from injustice. I only expressed anger to rejection by running to my shelters. When God removed my shelter from pain, it exposed deeper problems, so Rapha materials, A.A. and I believe this account of Jonah shows us that it is alright to let our anger out. I have allowed people to walk on me for years without ever standing up to anybody, thinking that it was the godly thing to do. I now know that when Daniel Brooden, my former father-in-law, played the part of rescuer it only made me feel more like a failure. When My Lady’s Mom and Dad came with put downs the same thing happened. I have learned to put a stop to it. My Lady’s and my home should have been our home alone, not a home controlled by Momma and Poppa. Now it is also important to allow God to take care of the real problem the way I handled rejection before I could show anger.

    God’s plan saved over 600,000 Ninevites of which 120,000 were innocent children. I like God’s plan. If we continue to do things our own way to protect our shelters, we will only face a life of frustration and pain. We need to learn that God’s way is the only way.